'Tis the Season of Getting

Call this the ultimate blogging cliché all you want, here's my Christmas wish list:

1. iPod Mini
2. Lord of the Rings trilogy DVD box set

I'm really not asking for much. I'm old enough to make wish lists feasible, to only include things I'm too stingy to buy for myself and I wouldn't feel guilty accepting from a distant relative. (Not that my relatives—distant or not—practice the tradition of gift giving to the arrogant one who doesn't talk at family gatherings.)

So far, this holiday season has called for two rounds of Kris Kringle. Spent more than my fair share for the first round, in return for which I got (speaking of clichés) socks. Yes. Socks. Not knitted Christmas-themed socks, no. Regular socks. Thank God everyone was busy looking at their own gifts and I wasn't caught dead with my "Socks?" questioning face as I unwrapped the paper bag, which was followed by the "Really?" expression of disbelieve and then the "Two pairs… wow" sarcastic grin.

Between fruitcakes and socks, I'd rather get a fruitcake. At least that way I can pretend to be a generous person on the expense of another's wallet. By the consumption rates in our office it wouldn't take 15 minutes for the last crumb of the fruitcake to be licked clean off the countertop. And that way I wouldn't be stuck having the gift in my sight for as long as it lasts and having to recall the memory of getting socks for Christmas 2004. Some may suggest regifting as the solution. I feel no shame in admitting that I've regifted presents in the past. But I just can't bring myself to regift socks. If I hated someone that much I wouldn't be giving him anything.

Socks are the tangible versions of mass e-cards. The message behind them being "I care. No, wait."

My second round of Kris Kringle is in two days; at a house party with a bunch of people most of whom I'd be meeting for the first time. I figure the gift of socks could leave a first impression comparable to that of picking your nose at a job interview. So what I can do is go to the party with a good gift and the socks. If the people there are generally friendly and have the potential to become more than strangers with me, I'd go with the good gift. On the other hand, if these people turn out to be socks-worthy, I wouldn't care to hide the sight of my nose picking either.

It's not easy to be happy and bitter at the same time. Christmas is my favorite holiday, I swear.