Give Me a "P"

For innocent teenage boys out there who still believes PMS hits women once a month, sorry for bursting your bubble. It's really basically present at all times, just waiting for the right, or wrong, chemistry to set it off.

Definition: Premenstrual Syndrome = a symptom or collection of symptoms that occurs regularly in relation to the menstrual cycle, with the onset of symptoms 5 to 11 days before the onset of menses, and resolution of symptoms with menses or shortly thereafter.

It must have been a man who came up with the term "premenstrual syndrome". Having P stand for "pre" is really oversimplifying the equation.

For physical symptoms such as headache, backache, bloating, abdominal cramps, breast tenderness, acne flare-up, nausea, constipation/diarrhea, and the rest of the endless list, 11 days pre plus 7 days during and maybe 2 to 3 days post might as well be the entire cycle. Oh no wait, that's only 3/4 of the month. So lucky us do get 7 days' rest. 10% of women are believed to have symptoms so severe they are considered disabling. That's not it; combine the above list of physical symptoms with other aspects like anxiety, confusion, depression, hostility, fatigue, paranoia, low self-esteem, and more. In my opinion, any person suffering from all of the above should be deemed disabled, period. Try carrying out a normal day's routine "under the influence" and you'll know P really stands for "Please kill me, God".

If you're a woman, or if you know a woman, chances are you've already figured out that the non-physical symptoms can emerge even during the 7 days' breaks. P stands for anything but predictable. Anxiety, depression, paranoia and yes, hostility can all kick in when you least expect it, and in any combination imaginable. So the next time your mom/wife/girlfriend/sister/female boss throws a fit over the sky being blue when you've specifically marked on your calendar that her cycle had just ended, brace yourselves and acknowledge that P stands for "Pretty much 24/7".

Oh, and the next time a girl tells you she doesn't want to do something because she has PMS, let her be. Even if you suspect she's using that as an excuse, it's too great a risk to endure. For if she was telling you the truth, P stands for "Pray that I won't bite your head off".

Nowadays, as better nutrition is offered to us, girls can begin to menstruate at as early as the age of eight, and can continue on until the age of 60. I couldn't find any stats to support the numbers, but let's just say the dollars a woman would need to spend to purchase a lifetime of winged products would equate to the down payment of a winged vehicle. Pricey lingerie is already enough of a burden, but at least they are reusable and provide some kind of enhancement to a woman's appearance. I think the World Health Organization should seriously consider either funding manufacturers for research and production of female sanitary products so they can go nonprofit, or taxing men to subsidize women for purchase of such products.