TV Guide

The first week of the newest season of American Idol proved to be the simple no-thinking-required entertainment it set out to deliver. If only Starworld hadn’t been pulling the 12-hour marathon of non-stop reruns everyday, I might actually want to see more of it.

It would seem I'm already a blessed one to get "free" "cable" TV. But with a measly 17 channels in total to choose from, I find myself still stuck attacking the remote control with no good reason to stop.

My choices include:

• Three American news channels featuring very loud anchors making supposedly witty comments at each other in between news pieces that too often have to do with their supposedly not retarded president;
• Two Chinese movie channels that have been rotating between the same handful of Steven Chow movies from the last decade morning and night since 1999;
• An English movie channel that would once every two months highlight a worthy old film like Jumangi, which will then be shown four more times before they find the next good film that's old enough to fit their tiny budget;
• The four local channels 95% of Hong Kong is watching everyday, featuring either poorly done local productions or ratings boosters purchased from either Japan, South Korea or Taiwan, otherwise from ABC, CBS or BBC;
• Starworld, who has sadly stopped showing Friends and The Simpsons but fortunately continues to show Seinfeld everyday, though in repulsive picture quality; plus a whole bunch of mediocre series and sitcoms I can never find the patience to sit through;
• ESPN, in Chinese! Having to figure out which long string of meaningless Chinese words refers to which NBA player is very exhausting;
• National Geographic, but there's only so many devastating moments of wild animals getting devoured on or men living through excruciating pain from life-threatening injuries captured on film I could bare to watch a day. Really. Think again.